Here we are, in the first week of August. (Cue deep inhale and LONGGG exhale...) In some moments, I have no idea how we got here so quickly from December 2019. In other moments, I feel as though 2020 has been about 7 years long already. (Apologies if you’ve heard this from me already - especially if it’s been more than 10 times! - but I just can’t seem to get over it!)

Time, our perception of it, and our relationship to it is a funny thing, isn’t it?

In my newsletter last week (have you subscribed yet?), I offered two invitations to my crew this month:

1: Create a mindset and

2: Create a self-care focal point.

Something you should know about me:

If I’m sending you a reminder or sharing a tip, there is a 99.99% chance it's for me as well.

Like many of you, I am a work in progress and anything I share is based on my own experience in addition to my professional work in the field.

With no end in sight to this pandemic, racial and social justice unrest, and political circus roller coaster we’re on (no negativity but real talk here), a strong mindset and iron-clad self-care practice are the two tools that will keep you grounded and moving forward no matter what is going on outside of your bubble (aka your body).

Uncertainty typically sends people into one of the following patterns:

1: An anxiety induced tailspin that breathes uncertainty into most parts of life including the things that are in fact certain as well as all parts of the future (which, by the way, is ALWAYS uncertain - we just try and establish control any way we can. Yes, Steff (me), I’m talking to you!)

2: Obsessive behavior trying to control EVERYTHING. Like EVERY. Thing. (Again, Steff, are you listening??)

3: Put my head into sand mode. (Happy to report finally one of these is not in my arsenal!)

And sometimes these modes are accompanied by other destructive behaviors like stress eating (for me it's allllll the chocolate... Anyone else?), binge drinking, oversleeping or not sleeping enough, gossipy/frantic/negative conversations, shopping sprees, scrolling end.less.ly on your phone, procrastination, and clinging to or separating from family and close friends. The longer the uncertainty lasts, the deeper into these behaviors we dive. Self-care is thrown out the window.

And the truth of the matter is that most times, although they feel good in the moment, these acts leave us feeling worse or more depleted or more anxious.

It’s sad but true friends. Think back… You’ll see.

After many years of trying and failing to prove this theory false, here I am on the never-ending roller coaster of 2020 holding out my freshly sanitized hand to you to join me in my mindful car (mask on and 6 feet apart, of course).

Together, let’s do better for ourselves. Let’s focus on OURSELVES. We know better so we have to do better.

We know feeding the uncertainty fire with our own destructive, anxious, or hopeless behavior as kindling will not help us cope, survive, or thrive.

Instead, let’s concentrate on our mindset and self-care focal point.

Having a mindset in place is your inner coach. It’s what guides you and keeps you in the game playing fair no matter what happens. This month, my mindset is “Be kind to yourself.”

It may sound silly but I really struggle with this. I am too hard on myself and I do not give myself enough credit. I am a terrible friend to myself and I’ve been working hard to be the kind of friend to myself that I deserve. When I feel stressed, anxious, or sad, I become a true mean girl to myself. And the worst part: I ignore my intuition, which is a human’s best friend! Which leads me to my self-care focal point this month:

LISTEN to myself.

I’ve been trying to remain in a perpetual state of awareness. Always tuned in to my frequency. Mindfulness is being self-aware in the moment of your emotions and acting in a calm manner even during stress. I am hard at work at upping my mindfulness game. And my conversation has been, “Listen. What’s going on here?” Then I assess what I need to do to take care of myself with kindness (enter self-care focal point!). I’m not ALWAYS able to make it happen right then and there because... well… my boys. my classes. my husband. BUT, I make sure I get to it ASAP. And I’ll be honest, I make myself a priority most of my day. I’ve had to.

Many of you know about my struggle a few years ago with losing myself and driving my health and well-being to the ground while I put everyone and everything else ahead of me. I can’t do that again. My wellness and that of all those I serve and care about depend on it.

So no matter how tired, angry, or sad I am, I tune in. I notice what’s going on. And I work to establish harmony that supports, nurtures, and works for me. It’s constant work. But that’s what it takes to show up for ourselves, especially when times are tough. What about you?

What’s your mindset this month? Yes, the ENTIRE month. It can be a command or an “I am” statement. Something that will snap you back to reality when you feel anxious, sad, hopeless or indifferent and keep you moving forward (or at least calmly in place not spinning your wheels or stuck to the ground). A few ground rules: the mindset MUST be positive and cannot start with “Don’t”.

What is your self-care focal point? The one thing you will do day after day, perhaps hour after hour, or even every 5 minutes if necessary, to take good care of yourself. It doesn’t have to be big or involved. Mine is simply to listen and respond with care. Yours doesn’t have to take a lot of time or cost any money. The currency only has to be love.

My friends come back to this question often today, “This month, what is my mindset and self-care focal point?”. Then write down your answers and post it somewhere you’ll see it every morning, or hell, post it EVERYWHERE. Feel free to tell everyone if you want help staying accountable. And when you fall short (we’re real talking still) offer yourself some grace and get right back into the game.

I’d love to hear what you decide on. Tag me on social media or comment on my post to let me know!

Much love to you.

Be well,

Steff

Tune in to August