The Power of a Break (and saying yes to it!)
Take a moment and close your eyes or find a place in front of you that is mostly blank and will allow your mind to settle down. Take a few breaths, even allowing yourself to sigh the exhale out. Once you feel settled, consider how often you might have said any of the following recently:
I’m so tired
I don’t feel like doing this
I’m just not motivated
I can’t take this anymore
I need things to be easier
I feel so overwhelmed
I need a break
I am having trouble focusing
I’m tired of the sameness of every day
...anything else along these lines?
Please be careful and kind, there’s no room for judgment. We’re just noticing here.
As you think back to the recent past and when you may have felt and said these things, I’m curious, what was your response to yourself during that conversation? Did you take a break? Did you change your perspective? Did you use that moment to call on a few things you’re grateful for? Did you criticize yourself? Did you dismiss your feelings and push on?
This brings us to an important question - What’s in a break? ...It turns out, a whole lot. That small word sure packs a punch, even in small increments.
A break. Time out. Time off. Time away. Vacation. Reset. Recharge. These are all words that are used to represent “stepping away from it all.”
In the middle of August 2020, these pockets of time are needed more than ever before.
Research shows us that breaks throughout the day are vital for mental clarity, focus, productivity, balance, and relationships both for work and personal life.
But I know, just like you know, taking breaks throughout the day is easier said than done. I’ll be honest with you, this is one of the areas of my personal self-care regimen that I struggle with the most. My natural tendency is to be high-strung, worried, and easily stressed. So when I feel big emotions, instead of taking a break, I blaze forward flitting about, trying to get allll the things done (typically including things that really do not need to be addressed at that time) before the end of the day and usually not completing many things, which then causes even MORE stress. And eventually ends in me crashing and burning. And crying. Or yelling. Possibly throwing things. Sometimes a combination of those. Ick. Can you relate? Maybe not to these specific characteristics, but perhaps your brain is calling to mind your tendencies? I don’t know about you but when someone else talks about his/her/their behavior, all of a sudden mine appear in my mind under a magnifying glass! I can’t hide from them!
2nd truth: My propensity for ignoring my intuition and bulldozing a path forward instead of implementing frequent recharge sessions gradually worsened as I got older and gained more responsibility. There was a shift from undergrad to grad school, and again in my first job, and continued through the years as my jobs became bigger and better. I see now that the more I ignored my need for time to reset on a regular basis, the worse I crashed and burned into shutdown mode. The breaking point was after I had my sons. I struggled with meeting society’s, my work place’s, and what came to be my own unrealistic expectations of me as a woman, a BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color), a wife, mom, employee, and supervisor. There was so much to get done in a specific way (or so I thought) in such a small amount of time and I was failing. And flailing. Have you ever been there?
It got to the point where I found myself saying all of those things from that bulleted list above EVERY DAY. I kept trying to do more but getting less done. The quality was not indicative of my effort. And I was on a crash course to certain burnout. I couldn’t handle life. It was like I was running full speed on a hamster wheel and the breaks had long since malfunctioned so there was no slowing or stopping me. I was going to keep running until I literally could not anymore.
Eventually, most likely as a subconscious last ditch effort to not lose my mind, I leaned into my meditation and breath work practice and started taking more mindful breaks in the day.
I got up from my desk to take walks, at home while my boys played I looked out the window just noticing what was going on outside, I listened to music more and actually sang and danced to it rather than letting it just play in the background. And while at first it felt like the exact opposite of what I needed because I’d come back to MORE work or issues and less time to complete tasks, gradually, I began to see a shift in myself.
I was able to focus more because I had cleared my head. Mental clarity and focus naturally increase productivity and I was able to get more done efficiently because I had recharged my battery and reset my brain. As a result, I established more of a balance between my responsibilities and my needs. It was not 50/50 but it was no longer 100% responsibilities and 0% me and the small changes was a VAST improvement. Also, I improved my relationships because I was simply a better, nicer, more caring and compassionate human to be around. I was no longer engaged in my own unwinnable race against time so I was able to be present with others and engage with them in a meaningful way. I was able to lend a listening ear or advice without being wrapped up in my own internal conversation about myself and my issues.
Taking breaks helped me to manage stress and fill up my energy and motivation cup.
I started playing a game with myself: anytime I felt like I didn’t want to do something, I’d consider it’s importance and mental toll and then either got it done right then and there or I scheduled it into my calendar at a specific time and made sure to not put it off. Stepping away helped spark creativity and conflict resolution. I started having better ideas and figured out how to solve issues more readily. Most importantly, it helped me to just be as Steff. Not Steff the (insert one of my many titles).
It opened the door to taking longer breaks like a day off to do only what I wanted rather than filling it with errands or appointments and this led to more frequent breaks and longer pauses for multiple days as well. I quieted the Negative Nancy in my head telling me it wasn’t worthwhile to take a couple of days off from work or away from housework because it would be piled up high, requiring hours of work to get to the bottom when I returned. Negative Nancy was wrong. I’d be able to get it done because I’d be performing efficiently on high-octane gas provided by the time I took to rest my brain.
I continued this practice of taking breaks throughout the day as I left my full-time job in August 2019 so I was in pretty good practice by the time COVID came around and the Stay-at-home order was in place. But, having both of my boys and my husband home during the day in my work space proved to be more than I was prepared for. Taking breaks is more difficult when you have two monkey humans around every moment of the day. And I know I haven’t been alone in my new struggles.
Many people working from home are experiencing longer work days with less breaks in the day. Some who have lost their jobs are lacking the motivation to get up from the couch where they were watching TV or job searching in order to clear their mind. A number of parents who have been home with their families for the last 5 months have had a hard time stepping away because of lack of childcare or because of the fear of going anywhere. And I don’t know about you but our friend Social Media has been beckoning me to scroll mindlessly more and more and more. What about you? What has your challenge been?
As I’ve been spending time reflecting through these last few months, one common theme arose for me every single day since the middle of March:
Stepping away from the day and stepping towards myself is a gift AND a necessity for my mental health.
I have to press pause for my well-being and the well-being of my family. And the experience of my clients depends on this.
No matter the circumstance, putting a pause in the day, week, month, or year is ESSENTIAL. As air is for breathing, a pause is a necessity for survival and most importantly for being well. Honestly, I wanted to write thrive but I realize this is not a time when many of us have the opportunity to live our best lives day in and day out. At the same time, being well is our birthright and is what I believe we should be striving for every moment of every day. Yup, every day.
What I noticed during the last couple of weeks is those nagging “I don’t wanna” thoughts have been creeping back in with a vengeance. I judged myself harshly, ignored them, pushed them away, and of course tried blazing through them (old habits die hard, huh?) until I couldn’t anymore. Until I remembered I needed to listen to myself (remember my self-care focal point for August: listen to myself??).
I cannot put a price tag on my well-being. And you shouldn’t, either! Since August began, I’ve committed myself to taking more frequent pockets of time for myself during the day where I’m not momming, wife-ing, or planning for classes. And this week, I made the decision to step away for a few days. My family and I are taking a good (and incredibly generous!) friend up on an offer to stay with her family for a long weekend to change up our scenery and recharge. This is what I’ve lovingly called STEFF TIME.
Yes, that means during the early part of this week I have had more work on my hands to get my projects done and pack up our stuff to go. And while a couple of years ago, that prospect alone would have sent me into a tailspin or forced me to say no I’m not going altogether, I am happy to report that today, I’m good. I’m settled. It’s ok that I have a lot to do to get prepared because I’m fortunate to have the opportunity to work during such a tumultuous economical time. I am fortunate to have a healthy and happy family amidst a pandemic. I am fortunate to have clients who support my personal well-being and celebrate my decision to take time for myself. (Hello gratitude practice!)
Times are hard, harder than I have ever experienced, but when I am feeling the heat of stress preparing for STEFF TIME I remind myself of my blessings. I am also human and a work in progress so it’s ok if my mindset needs retuning time to time. And I know this for sure: I am at my best when I am rested, creative, and WELL. So here’s to taking time. To making time. To putting your self-care at the top of your get-to list EVERY DAY. To taking what you need. Unapologetically. Happily. Excitedly. Like you deserve it. Because you do.
Take some time today or tomorrow or this week to consider what you need. What do you want? How do you want to feel? What are some small steps in the right direction? What are small ways you can begin taking meaningful breaks during the day for 5 minutes every hour or so? Can you start by putting your phone down and actively engaging in a hobby or something creative for 10 minutes? Can you sit quietly or put some music on to sing or dance to for 15 minutes? Can you take a walk when it’s cool outside or stand in the shade away from the hot sun for 20 minutes? Can you head to a park or the beach or the mountains for half of the day? Maybe the whole day? Any stretch of time is good enough. There is no winning formula. As long as you do it, you’ve won (yes, Type A’s, I promise!!!)
In this exercise, allow yourself the space to consider without judgment or stopping yourself saying something isn’t possible. Write the ideas down. And instead of nixing the ones that would be hard to do, focus on the most doable ones first. Once you get into the practice of taking meaningful short breaks, it’ll become easier to take them more frequently, and then you’ll add on more time, and like magic, you’ll figure out a way to make the “impossible ones” possible. And given our challenging times, you don’t have to spend any money to change your scenery. And work on look at figuring out new ways to do things as an invitation, a get-to, rather than a challenge or a have-to.
My friends, it is your divine human right to be happy, supported, and ever transforming for the better.
So take the break. The time out. The time off. The time away. The vacation.
Rest. Reset. Recharge. And repeat.
Be the best damn version of yourself possible.
And be well.
With love always,
Steff
