Opening to Life as it is Now
Friends, I’m coming to you today with some SUPER love for your emotional well-being as we begin the re-opening process amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. Midway into the 11th week of the Stay at Home order, many of us are still grappling with its effects on literally EVERYTHING and this development is causing an avalanche of emotions, to say the least.
I have to be honest, I am worried that as we begin to venture out to our familiar places, we will not be ready for what life will actually be like. Perhaps initially we’ll just be so incredibly excited to be out of the house at gatherings with more than 25 people that anything out of the ordinary may not be a big deal. But what happens when reality, or the gravity of what we’ve just endured, the losses we’ve faced (and continue to navigate) and the long-lasting effects we can’t see set in? This question may be causing an overwhelming urge to stuff your head in the sand and close this blog. I understand. I’m not trying to rain on your parade, but rather, I’m shining a light on what is and what will be for a long time. I encourage you to stay with me and see this through all the way to the end so you can:
read, process, and begin your action plan on getting ready.
I often hear people saying things like “When life goes back to normal…” or “When we can finally have our lives back…” and I find myself thinking: Life will NEVER be normal again. Sadly, life as it was before COVID-19 turned everything on its head and shut the world down is in the past. My friends, I say this not to be negative, but realistic and honest because I want you to be prepared for the real truth:
Life is different now and will continue to be as we return to the places and people we love most.
The term “new normal” that we began using as a label for coping during quarantine life will continue to be applicable during re-opening life. Everything we will experience will be a new normal because what once was can no longer be.
I know this realization can automatically cause anxiety, sadness, or a feeling of apathy. I find many people don’t want to hear this because since life has been upended, all we want is some semblance of normalcy. We want to believe that normal exists. We dream about future gatherings with friends and family, returning to work and school, being able to go to the gym and the mall, and so much more. Some dreams are so real, we can taste them. BUT. This creates a slippery slope when considering life post-quarantine.
We are still reeling from the effects of COVID-19 and the Stay at Home order. Even with the prospect of businesses reopening and gatherings happening, these feelings continue for so many:
I just don’t feel like doing anything anymore.
I’m feeling angry and frustrated and I don’t want to deal with these emotions.
I am scared of what’s to come as things start to open up more.
My work is uncertain and this is causing a lot of stress for me.
I’m not sure how I’ll survive being home with my children throughout the summer without camps/activities open.
I am still having a hard time dealing with disappointment, sadness, and grief.
I can’t stop thinking about my financial worries.
I am scared for the health/well-being of friends and family members.
I can’t get my mind to stop racing.
No matter what you’re feeling, it’s valid. It’s all so much. Sometimes too much. Unfortunately, we’re venturing into the unknown, which is resulting in fear and uncertainty creeping into everything. This is causing a lot of questions, about ourselves, our friends and family, and the government, many of which cannot be answered right now. But yet, we must continue moving forward the best we can.
1. So the first step in preparing for life post-quarantine is:
BEGIN PROCESSING yOUR EMOTIONS.
Remember - most of our experiences and feelings in the present moment are linked to events from the past or worries about the future. These last 2 months have been filled with a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes with multiple emotions flooding in at once. We have to deal with our feelings - even the ones that scare us. Why? Because stuffing them down or expecting our feelings will get better once we’re able to “return to normal life” isn’t viable. Contrary to what you may be thinking, this will actually heighten our feelings of anxiousness, sadness, and indifference when we start heading out and seeing what life will really be like longterm.
2. The second step is a very important question that needs to be addressed:
WHAT DOES RE-OPENING AMIDST THE PANDEMIC LOOK LIKE FOR ME?
In this second step, ask yourself:
What are my expectations of re-opening life?… Is intentions a better word?
Life rarely turns out according to our expectations. With expectations, we are often looking at life through rose-colored glasses, or are placing our hopes upon the actions of others or circumstances that are out of our control. Sometimes they are rooted in the past at a time when life was different (ring a bell?) or an unrealistic ideal.
We must take care in considering what gatherings, transitioning to work/school, going to the gym/mall, etc. will be like while maintaining precautions like wearing masks, social distancing, and adhering to hygiene guidelines. Also, how will the places and people we’re most familiar with have changed? So many people have gone through so much recently. What will the effects have been? And what about the loss we’ll still be carrying around? The grief, anger, and/or uncertainty that set in since mid-March won’t be left behind as we begin venturing out of the house.
Perhaps considering YOUR INTENTIONS is a better plan of action since they’d be all about YOU, your thoughts, your words, your actions -regardless of others. You’d be in control no matter what happens around you. It’s a proactive rather than reactive state of being. And this works even as you’re navigating incredible loss.
3. The third step - consider:
What from normal life (aka old life) do I want for re-opening life (aka new life?)
As many of us feel impatient to get back to “normal”, what does that mean? The busy-ness of old life? The constant stress? Never feeling like you have enough time for anything? All work and no or little play, creativity, or adventure?
To help keep your mind right, careful consideration must be made in terms of your intentions for the coming weeks. You must consider what life decide what you want to design for your life. You are not obligated to go back to anything of old life you don’t want to. You can create change. And I know, your job (or lack of) or a relationship may be hard to change right now. But remember - even if you can’t change certain circumstances immediately, what you CAN change is how you respond to them now and how you move forward.
My friends, I empower you to look head with intentions rather than expectations.
Proactively choose steps forward that feel good to you.
I encourage you to look inward and reflect often.
Be choosy about which emotions take root.
Make your well-being a priority.
Be the bouncer of your thoughts and your energy space.
Stay connected to yourself throughout every day and remain flexible with the ebb and flow as you embrace life as it is now.
Here’s a journaling exercise you can complete all in one sitting or over the course of time as it feels comfortable.
Feel free to choose only the questions you’d like to consider and leave the rest. You can also meditate on each question by sitting quietly with your eyes closed, asking yourself the question, and seeing what arises without judgement. Formulate your talkback so that when you feel anxious, sad, or overwhelmed, you can turn to these answers and turn things around.
Journal Focus: What is life for me right now? How do I want my life to be as the world re-opens and in the longterm?
Considerations to contemplate for the days ahead:
What do I want to go out and do?
How will this feel? Am I ok with it not feeling the same as before?
Where do I want to go? Will it look the same as before? What happens if it doesn’t?
What will I allow into my energy space?
Politics, opinions, negativity, worries, doubts, fears... What’s invited in and what isn’t?
How do I want to present myself to the world?
What is my purpose? What is my messaging?
How will I manage stress and struggles?
What are my tools?
When I feel sad, mad, overwhelmed or indifferent, what will I do?
What will I need to cope?
What are my expectations of life? What are my intentions for life?
What are my expectations of myself? What are my intentions for myself?
If any questions do not have answers, that is ok. You don’t have to have the answers right now. There is no need to stress. It’s ok to not have answers right now. Be patient.
You can begin exploring ways to find those answers in many different ways, such as:
Returning to the question quietly periodically and seeing if any new thoughts emerge (and it’s ok if not. Life is a process.)
Seeking out guidance from a trusted source (like me!)
Beginning to build your coping toolbox with self-care and mindfulness practices
Be kind to yourself, my friends. Take the days one at a time. Reach out with any questions. Stay connected. Be well, Be YOU!
Love,
Steff
