That D*mn To-Do List
I’ve been struggling the last few days. There’s so much to do and not enough time. So many changes and not enough consistency. Last week was the first full week back for my son to school and my husband to work. My schedule will be changing next week - back to campus for the start of the academic semester! The weather here in NJ is wild - 30’s for a few days and then up to 65 over the weekend. All of this, even the weather (believe it or not), can effect us down to a cellular level without us even realizing it.
By Saturday this past weekend, I found myself feeling exhausted. Couldn’t focus. Flying off the handle for insignificant things. Feeling like I wanted to run away. Needing to seclude myself just so I could think... breathe... just be.
Pretty much vintage Steff (you know, the version of me before I began mindfulness training). Does this ever happen to you?
Honestly, I was proud of myself for recognizing how things were manifesting early on the morning on but I was frustrated that I had let myself get this far down the rabbit hole. “I should know better,'' I scolded myself at one point (as if that would help things - insert eye-rolling emoji). So I spent some time - like less than 5 minutes, I promise - to ponder damage control.
I know my thoughts, words, actions, mood, energy - all of it - affects my family on a profound level. When I’m not well, they’re not well. And although some days I really despise carrying that burden, I try to remember how fortunate I am to be blessed with that privilege. How I conduct myself and the energy within me have the power to make someone’s day great! So.. how was I going to turn this around?
I went back to two of the self-care tips I shared with you in December to assist you during the holiday season: 1) say yes to yourself more and 2) implement hard stops.
Say YES to Yourself More
I’m not talking about saying yes more to “should I have another cookie?” or “should I buy these shoes?” - because some will argue the answer to those questions are ALWAYS yes (haha). I’m actually talking about much more simplistic scenarios. Sometimes when there isn’t even a question to answer.
I challenge you (or invite you) to begin considering these questions before jumping into action:
“Do I really need to do this?”
“Does this serve me?”
“Can this wait until tomorrow?”
What I’ve noticed is that our to-do list is OUT. OF. CONTROL. Our to-do list has its own set of to-do lists! Most of the time, we’re frantically trying to get all of it done…(although some days, it’s more like begging the Universe, “PLEASE can I just get ONE thing done off of my list?!”).
And then: we have feelings of inadequacy when we don’t cross off the last few (or fifty) things.
And then: that causes anxiety about tomorrow.
And then: we start feeling like our to-do list is like a cartoon stone rolling down a mountain rapidly growing in size by the second and in our mind, our to-do list becomes the size of a boulder in no time.
And then: we start trying to do ALL the things AT THE SAME TIME (“hey, I’m an AMAZING multitasker, Steff!” (still eye-rolling here…).
And then: we head into overdrive (picture a toddler who just won’t take a nap.. or the cartoon character Tazmanian Devil - that’s my little guy’s alter ego - not kidding! - just spinning out of control. It really does happen to us, although as adults we can mask the out of control behavior a little bit more than children can).
And then: the end of the night comes and we wonder: what in the world? (insert expletives if it’s more appropriate) Where did the day go? I’m exhausted from getting all the stuff done (or option 2: I was busy all day but didn’t cross off one thing from my list! UGH) but I haven’t really even enjoyed anything. And now I have to go to bed and do this all over again tomorrow?
Are you exhausted yet? I am just by writing all of that! And I understand where you are. My to-do list is often way too long and impossible to finish.
But I’m consumed every day by this incredible need to complete AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
Sadly, some days I’d rather clean the house than go outside to play with the boys. I’d rather stay home to do laundry and prep for the upcoming week than go out on a Saturday night with friends or family. I’m not joking. It borders on an obsessive behavior. That d*mn to-do list.
Friends, “WHY do I need to get this done?” is such a powerful consideration. Is it to establish control when I feel overwhelmed? Or do I just need something off of my mental list?
When you consider the why of something, you consider it’s power. It’s hold over you.
Yes, some things need to get done today. But. There can’t be a sense of urgency around everything. There’s no medal for running yourself ragged, despite what society has us thinking these days.
So, I’ve had to start saying yes to myself more. By taking a moment to consider “Do I really need to do this?”, or “Does this serve me?” or “Can this wait until tomorrow?”, I’ve saved some of my sanity and created more space in time. It’s not easy. But it helps me in limiting my to-do list (maybe not all days but most days) and establish control where it’s necessary for me.
I know this sounds a lot like saying no, which I’m a big fan of actually (especially when I’m on the winning end, heehee), but with YOU as the focus of why you’re saying no to something, in essence, you’re saying yes to yourself. You need to preserve YOUR power, YOUR goodness. This is what fuels you as you take care of everyone and crush your goals. So try it. Consider your very simplistic needs. And say yes to yourself more. And then...
Implement a Hard Stop
That’s where you decide, “ok, I’m doing this for 15 more minutes and then moving on to something else.” or
“At x time, I’m done for the night.”
And stick to it.
You might struggle with this, and that’s ok. I’ll write more to you about how to navigate this next week. In the meantime, start saying yes to yourself more and play around with hard stops. You won’t be taking anything away from anyone you care about. It’s actually quite the opposite. Doing both of these things will only benefit your family, co-workers, and EVERYONE who depends on you, I promise.
