46. For self-love to work, you’ve gotta be a friend to yourself first.

The shit we need to talk about this week is self-love has become a commodity in dominant culture, much like self-care. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the word friendship and how that’s feeling a bit more aligned for me. And considering that Valentine’s Day is this week, I thought it was a timely topic to drop into.

So my question for you is: What kind of friend are you to yourself? Are you a real one? 

Not just when it’s easy. I’m talking about in the messy moments. In the moments when you make mistakes or fall short. Or when you feel vulnerable. Or when doubt creeps in about whether or not you can do the damn thing. Are you a real friend to yourself when you need to hear the truth or speak the truth - even when it’s hard? Or when you start to bypass or gaslight yourself?

The reality is, resources are low right now for so many of us as we navigate all of the awful stuff going on in the world. We’re feeling squeezed for energy, motivation, time, money, and brain cells. And you might be finding that you’re in a phase of your relationship right now where you’re not being a great or attentive friend. And guess what, that’s ok because all relationships go through rough patches. Seriously. But what I know for sure is that no matter what’s going on in the world, our communities, and in our personal lives, and really, BECAUSE OF ALL OF THAT, we’ve got to be a real friend to ourselves.

And your friendship needs to include self-acceptance and non-judgment. Period. Because the root of friendship is respect, trust, understanding, and you’re deserving of that no matter what. I know you know that but in case you need a reminder, there it is. I really deeply believe that these are the building blocks for unconditional self-love. 

So, in case you’ve been in a bit of a rut with your friendship with yourself, or you could use a tune up, I’m offering some self-care practices that will meet you there, including: 

• Exploring practices that are pleasurable and sensual - beyond sex and intimacy.

• Yoga Philosophy’s yama (ethical practice) of asteya: non-stealing and mindfully choosing what we consume, take, need, and desire.

• Ayurveda’s pillar of self-care, strengthen your digestive power, that helps us build and fortify our foundation of friendship with ourselves (aka self-love).

Jump in for all the goodness!

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Additional resources from this episode: Get the episode transcript here.

Mia Birdsong: @miabirdsong on instagram