December BEST Gifts to Yourself (to end a decade!): Reflect & Commit
As we prepare to close out one year and head into another (and this year, end one decade for the start of another!) with the least amount of stress possible, I feel it is paramount to take some time to reflect on 2019 and make a heart-felt commitment to 2020.
Our mind naturally gravitates toward and holds on to the negative stuff. Quite often we focus on the not-so-good aspects of our days, weeks, months and years. So much good happens and yet it all gets swept aside or buried by the yucky stuff.
It’s time to shift the balance of power and focus on the good stuff.
This will allow you to head into 2020 with a grateful heart, especially if 2019 was a particularly tough year. Even in the hardest of times, there is still some grace, kindness, and goodness that shines through.
And when we focus on the good, it frees our mind to focus, plan and create more.
I’d like to share with you a quick and powerful exercise I was introduced to last year. This is your first tip of the week:
REFLECT:
Write your 2019 success/happiness/wins list
All you have to do is create a table with each month as the heading and list 3-5 wins/successes for each month. You can write more and you certainly can write less. But here’s the thing - it’s not just the big wins that belong on this list, but the little ones, too! And I’ll admit, I used my phone’s photo library to scroll down memory lane for some months when it was hard to think of something off the top of my head.
A great add-on to this exercise is to reflect monthly so that you continue riding the gratitude wave throughout the 52 weeks of the year.
Here is your second tip for this week:
COMMIT:
I’m naturally goal-oriented so I had an inclination for creating a New Year’s resolution every December. And of course by February or March, I had abandoned it and moved on to the next shiny idea. In the last decade or so, as I delved deeper into my yoga practice and lifestyle, I moved away from the resolution in favor of a more mindful intention called sankalpa.
Sankalpa is resolve, intention, or commitment to live our heart’s desire and highest truth.
This is not centered around will or ego or a need to achieve or the desire to acquire things to be happy… It’s centered around the fact that deep down, you are who you are meant to be and that simple fact alone is the fountain of happiness. You just need to live in line with who you are and allow yourself to be who you are by living your heart’s desire.
Often times our thoughts, words and actions are REACTIONS based on past hurts, failures, expectations or worries about the future. They’re not actions or responses based on love for and confidence in who we are to the core of ourselves. But they should be.
Sankalpa is about getting out of your own way by:
1) tapping into your innate energy/desires/needs in order to →
2) stimulate your action and →
3) develop the wisdom of what action will align with your deepest intention.
It’s about setting a heart-centered intention, which can be done at any time and is perfect timing for the New Year.
For many, especially here in the US, it’s not customary to check in with our heart’s utmost desires to determine our actions, goals, or plans for change. Often, our ambitions are driven by ego, status, family/mentors and social media.. And while some of these goals: a new car, a promotion, a trip, etc. may be ego-driven (Hey, I deserve this! I earned it!), they also can be tied to a deeper, sometimes darker meaning. A need buried deep in our heart, perhaps from years of neglect, trauma, loss, or a feeling of not being worthy.
Often our material needs, our academic/career achievements, our status goals, etc. are linked to a need to fill a hole somewhere deep within us. And if that’s you, it’s ok. So many of us are in the boat together. Here’s the thing:
Our power is in understanding the WHY behind our needs so that we can effectively and completely fulfill them rather than just using excessive/compulsive behavior as a temporary fix.
This way you can stop the never-ending cycle of behavior that isn’t feeding your heart’s desires or serving your greater purpose. Buying all of the shoes in the world, skyrocketing to the pinnacle of your career in record time, stamping all of the pages of your passport traveling here there and everywhere because you’re desperately trying to find the meaning of life or to fill a hole somewhere deep down will not bring you the happiness or fulfillment you’re searching for.
Why? Because happiness isn’t a status or a destination. It’s not somewhere we eventually arrive to, literally or figuratively.
Happiness is a state of being.
And the only way to be happy is to just be.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t strive to excel or buy yourself something fancy or travel somewhere exotic. I’m saying there needs to be an element of understanding WHY you want to do something that is connected to a higher meaning within yourself. The action shouldn’t be something just for the sake of doing it or because you feel you should. But rather,
What you do needs to align with an innate need/desire in your heart so that when the action is completed, it raises your energy level and allows you to shine brighter.
And ultimately continues the ball rolling of you living an authentic, mindful, and fulfilled life.
How to start:
A good jumping off point in realizing your sankalpa, especially if reflection and heart-felt contemplation are new to you, is to ask yourself:
“What do I want in 2020?”
Even more broadly this year especially: “What do I want for the next decade?”
Take some time to be quiet and listen.
Notice what’s floating around in your head and tune in to what’s in your heart. Yes, I mean it - you have to listen to your feelings!
Jot down what comes to mind.
Write your unfiltered dream(s) without judging or nay-saying.
What is one small step in the direction of your dream?
This should be something that is driven by purpose and allows you to feel good, whole, and cared for during the process. Small is good here. It’s manageable and also better for creating ritualistic behavior rather than doing something once and never again. Baby steps.
Reflect on past behaviors that weren’t in line with your heartfelt desire.
Don’t judge or speak negatively to yourself. It’s good to know what behavior doesn’t serve us.
Create a “do-list”
(not a to-do list, you have enough of those!) This is comprised of actions that align with your deepest desires. So when you find yourself being drawn back to old habits, you have an action-plan and can turn things around quickly without worry.
And continue this process of checking in weekly or monthly.
Eventually, with time and intention, you’ll create a step-by-step roadmap of small intentions that move you forward in the quest of actualizing your greatest desires.
Friends, it’s important for me to me note: This is not something you need to complete by January 1st (because who cares if you don’t get this done by 11:59pm on December 31st?!). There is no set timeline for this project because there is no deadline you need to meet or destination you have to reach in order to live your life’s intention. The perfect time is whenever this feels right for you to do. And as you can see, there are multiple steps so TAKE YOUR TIME.
It’s ok if some of these steps don’t resonate with you. Start with what works and come back to the rest in time. The key here is to:
Purposefully check in with yourself
Understand what you truly want and need
Begin to create an action plan of rituals that will align with your heart’s intention
Allow your most authentic energy to flow.
Here’s to an incredibly happy, healthy, and exciting 2020 that is centered on mindfulness, self-care and your best life!
With love,
Steff
